Etiquette: etiquette and social manners

Compliance with ethical norms by a person in society always defines him as a highly moral individual with moral principles, respecting himself and those around him. But only knowledge and following the rules of etiquette make a man a real gentleman, and a woman a real lady.

To understand the need for such a phenomenon as etiquette, it is worth giving this concept a definition, distinguishing it from the concept of ethics. Etiquette is a set of rules that must be observed in society, the ability to behave appropriately in a particular case.

For the first time the word "etiquette" arose in France under King Louis XIV. At one of the social events, guests received small cards (labels), which contained the first ever written rules of how to behave in society.

Such an innovation could not go unnoticed. For a long time and to this day, the set of rules has been steadily growing, whole chapters and paragraphs are being added, which are designed to regulate human behavior in all areas of activity.

The concepts of etiquette and ethics are often equated and generalized. It is not right. If etiquette is clear laws, when a person can be accurately assessed, to conclude whether he is familiar with good manners or not, then ethics are internal moral and moral guidelines followed by a particular subject, relying on their own intuition, as well as the degree of upbringing and prudence.

Etiquette is common for everyone, it is unchanged and exists a priori, ethics are hidden and hidden traits of a person’s character. Everyone has their own ethics. They depend on the social position, on those patterns of behavior and building relationships that are inherent in the family, on the educational process at school, on the circle of friends and acquaintances, on the personal qualities and character of a person.

You can be a highly moral person and a great moralist, but not know the rules of etiquette at all, or you can follow all the laws of decency, but be a selfish, greedy and bad person.

One way or another, in order to achieve success in life, to be able to present yourself from the best side, to feel confident in any society, in any situation, you should learn all the rules of good manners and always follow them.Etiquette has covered all spheres of human life, so it is important to know that your partners, opponents, colleagues, friends and relatives are familiar with the laws of decency and will appreciate your ability to stay in public and in an intimate setting.

It should not be surprising that many rules can be found, for example, both in general civil etiquette, and in military or business. Many settings are common to all aspects of life, so they are duplicated. It is worth highlighting the following types of etiquette:

• general civil. The set of rules established by general civil etiquette regulates the norms of behavior for all citizens, without exception, in everyday life. They are guided when being in public places, when asking for help from a stranger, while traveling by public transport, and so on.
• Secular. It is worth familiarizing yourself with the rules of secular etiquette for those who are about to appear in a society united by some event or an invitation from the hosts of the event. This includes the laws of greeting, dating, introducing guests to each other, expressing gratitude to the organizers of the evening, the rules of good manners at the table, the appropriateness of a particular outfit, and others.
• Courtier. Anyone who was lucky enough to appear at the court of the monarch (for example, to be in the company of the Queen of England) must know “in and out” the rules of good manners at the royal court. One of the main laws during a reception with Elizabeth II is to speak only when the Queen herself asks.

• Military. The set of rules, which clearly regulates the observance of subordination in the army, includes the norms of behavior for military personnel in all possible situations.
• Business. An important block of rules to study that will help anyone build a career, become a reliable partner and a successful businessman.
• Religious. It is not enough to express respect for the church and faith, you need to know how to behave in the temple, how to address the clergy, how to behave at rituals.
• Family. Within each cell of society, the laws of family etiquette must be respected. By following the rules, most family quarrels can be prevented, and as a result, divorces.

There are many other types of etiquette. Some are long gone, for example, knightly, and such as court or ballroom are on the verge of going down in history. The modern world is very changeable, fast-paced, new concepts are constantly being introduced, phenomena occur that require settlement, framing.

The law on the part of the state cannot create the necessary framework for the regulation of all aspects of human life. This function is taken over by the norms of etiquette.

Thus, we can distinguish the main functions of etiquette as a science:

• Contact establishment function. Proper greeting and familiarity will help win over a person from the first seconds. After a competent start, the channel of the conversation takes the right direction and plays into the hands during the entire period of the relationship. To set the right tone will help compliance with the rules of etiquette.
• The function of developing the skill of conducting a conversation and maintaining non-verbal contact. Small talk is an obligatory attribute of any official and informal event. With the advent of virtual communication, a modern person loses the ability to support a conversation, forgets about controlling his gestures and facial expressions. For those who feel insecure in this aspect, it is recommended to train in front of a mirror, read more fiction, try to retell the plot of the story.

• Demonstrate a courteous, respectful attitude towards others. There is a saying: "Politeness is the best weapon of a thief." It should not be taken literally, but should be taken into service. A person who shows courtesy to others and respect for elders is always met with joy, they seek to help him, forgive a lot.
• The function of regulating people's behavior. This function is one of the most important, because it does not apply to a specific individual, it helps to restrain the entire society as a whole within the framework of ethical standards. Observing the norms of etiquette, a person becomes predictable, it is easier to “deal” with him, his reactions are quite understandable.
• Etiquette helps in conflict prevention. One of the main criteria for observing the rules of decency is the ability to control one's emotions. Most often, quarrels and disagreements can be settled peacefully, adhering to the norms of etiquette.

Thus, etiquette is aimed at creating a highly moral, highly organized, intellectual society. Compliance or non-compliance with the rules of this phenomenon helps to evaluate a person within certain capital limits.

The foundation or skeleton of etiquette are the principles on which all norms of behavior were created. Separate rules regulating, for example, the correct address to elders or good manners at the table, as if strung on this backbone, introduce specifics and point to the only correct option.

It is the basis of etiquette that is closely connected with the concept of ethics and morality. Based on this statement, we can single out the main principles of the phenomenon:

• Humanism and humanity. The essence of the concept of "humanity" is that each person should treat others the way he would like to be treated. The main idea that the phenomenon of "humanism" carries is the freedom of choice of a person, freedom of action, the opportunity to develop and choose one's own path of development, the realization of one's goals. This statement means that no one can prevent a person from managing his life. It is worth making a remark: human freedoms are limited by the criminal and civil codes.
• Tolerance. This concept is close in meaning to the concept of "humanism". Tolerance is tolerance for strangers: worldview, religious predilections, appearance, physical features, lifestyle. Do not compare this concept with indifference. You can be involved in the life and situation of another person, but remain tolerant.

• The principle of control over the aesthetic appeal of actions. You should always watch your gestures and facial expressions.A cheeky gait, waving arms while talking, a provocative posture or indecent gestures can be regarded as disrespectful to others or lack of proper upbringing. A real lady or gentleman always, as they say, "keep himself in hand", not allowing himself to be discredited by inappropriate movements.

• The principle of traditions and customs. Etiquette norms in different countries may differ depending on the traditions, religion or historical past of the country. Thus, addressing a girl in France sounds like "mademoiselle", to older women - "madame", while in England - "miss" and "miss", respectively. In addition, there are deeper differences between the etiquette of different countries. For example, the etiquette of Muslim states is very much tied to the religious characteristics of the people.
• Principle of modesty, courtesy and tact. Modesty is the best ornament of a person. Do not confuse this concept with shyness. A self-confident person does not shout about his merits in society, but he knows his own worth and observes the principle of modesty. A polite, tactful person will never offend another, will always find a way to make a remark so as not to affect the feelings of a person, will never comment on someone's behavior in public, will not allow himself to evaluate someone's actions or words.
• All actions must be appropriate to the circumstances. Sometimes in a given situation, knowledge about how to do the right thing is not enough. In this case, you should use common sense.

Etiquette is a very broad concept that includes different aspects and aspects of human behavior. The concept is based on many components of etiquette.

In any society, you should watch your speech. Not only the content must comply with generally accepted standards, but also the timbre, intonation, speed, and tone of speech play an important role.

State your thoughts clearly, do not stretch, but do not chatter. The interlocutor should be able to make out all the words, to catch the meaning of what was said. Calm and confident intonation contributes to the development of conversation, strengthening relationships.

Verbal etiquette skills can be learned. For training, you will need a stopwatch and any object (comb, scissors, sugar bowl). Turn on the timer, then talk about the selected subject for three minutes. Make sure that thoughts do not repeat themselves, follow all the basic laws of speech etiquette.

Once the story is easy to come by and is at least three minutes long, increase the length to five minutes, and so on. It’s a good idea to add a voice recorder to such training in order to listen to your monologue, evaluating its content, your voice (tone and timbre).Performing such simple actions regularly will allow you to master the culture of speech. Now, no matter what was discussed, you can talk for a long time, and most importantly, it is interesting for others.

In relation to the narrator, the listener must also fulfill a number of requirements. First, in no case should you interrupt someone who is speaking. This is a show of disrespect. It is important to ask a few clarifying questions after the end of the interlocutor's phrase in order to show your interest and participation.

You should never comment on someone or someone's actions with negative connotations.. Always remember the most important functions of etiquette - humanism and tolerance, as well as tact and politeness. Even if personal feelings were hurt, you should remain silent and, if possible, simply stop communicating with the offender.

Non-verbal communication is communication through body language, facial expressions. It is always very important to watch your gestures and facial expressions.

Looseness in movements is not accepted in any respectable society. The posture should be restrained, not vulgar. While talking, do not use your hands to gesticulate. It is especially striking when someone at the table is waving instruments during a conversation. Such behavior is regarded as the height of indecency.

Too emotionally expressed facial expressions are considered inappropriate in society. For example, do not open your mouth wide in surprise. The gaze should be directed towards the interlocutor; when talking, it is advisable to look into his eyes or at the bridge of the nose.

Proxemics is the study of the spatial and temporal sign system in society.In different countries, taking into account the peculiarities of traditions, religions, one can talk about a different level of comfort when encroaching on personal space, but there are generally accepted norms.

Always remember distance. The optimal distance between interlocutors is 1 meter. Invasion of personal space can cause hostility and, as a result, the termination of communication between people. This also includes touch.

Etiquette proxemics also includes rules governing, for example, the place of a particular guest in the house at the table. So, the hosts take a place at the head of the table, the guest of honor is on the right hand of the host, the younger ones and children are in the far corner.

The world of things is not the last place in etiquette. This section can include such phenomena as table setting, the ability to use cutlery correctly, the appropriate choice of outfit for a particular occasion, knowledge of how to properly sign a card or give a gift, present flowers.

The rules of communication usually depend on the situation, but the basic postulates are common to everyone, therefore, in the process of creating an etiquette set of rules, speech formulas were developed. They are designed to become the standard of how to properly conduct a conversation with a particular person.

Before proceeding directly to speech formulas, it is necessary to determine the structure and types of communication. Thus, it is divided into:

• oral (speaking, listening);
• written: (writing, reading).

Oral and written communication differs in the type of presentation, the way to perceive information.

During a personal conversation, the information field is created before our eyes, the speaker has the opportunity to use timbre, intonation, facial expressions and gestures during the conversation, he actively works with his voice.

Writing allows the narrator to devote more time to selecting the correct language, choosing the right words, following the thread of the story accurately, and also provides the opportunity to correct and edit what is written.

A letter or conversation, including a telephone conversation, can be divided into certain stages:

• the beginning of the relationship (greeting, acquaintance);
• the main part of the conversation;
• ending the conversation, debriefing and farewell.

From how the first stage went, one can judge the further development of the conversation and relations in general. Etiquette comes to the rescue in creating a favorable image. Its rules govern the sequence of greetings:

• the younger in age, service rank or rank is the first to greet the elder;
• a gentleman greets a lady;
• a young girl - a man older than herself;
• a single lady is the first to greet a married couple;
• when two couples meet, women first greet each other, then men with women, and only then men shake hands;
• during a telephone conversation, the first to greet the one who got through;
• the letter always begins with the words of greeting.

To properly greet a person, you should be guided by the speech formula that is appropriate in a particular situation:

• "Hello! » - a universal variant for a greeting;
• “Good afternoon”, “good evening”, “good morning” - depends on the time of day, is also considered universal;
• "Hi! "- an informal greeting, suitable for meeting old acquaintances, friends;
• “I wish you well! "- a specific speech formula used in military etiquette.

In addition to verbal ways of greeting, there are non-verbal techniques that are actively used in secular society:

• head nod (used mainly by women);
• men raise their hats in greeting if a familiar person passes by a few meters away;
• at balls and in court etiquette, ladies curtsy at a meeting or a new acquaintance;
• men kiss a lady's hand or shake hands;
• close people kiss each other on the cheek.

The dating stage is very important and requires careful preparation. It is better if strangers are introduced to each other, for example, by the host of a festive event or a common friend. Some time ago, it was considered indecent for both a man and a woman to take the initiative by getting to know each other on their own. However, times are changing, the lady can be the first to start a conversation and introduce herself.

One way or another, there is a certain order that, according to the rules of etiquette, is followed at the time of acquaintance:

• the man appears first to the woman;
• a woman introduces herself first if the acquaintance occurs with a man or lady older than her;
• a single person is always the first to introduce himself to a married couple or group of people.

If the task is to introduce two strangers to each other, there is the following order:

• the lady is first introduced to the man, she, in turn, decides whether or not to give a hand;
• the first to introduce the eldest in age or official position to the one who is younger;
• the owner of the house, the organizer of the evening, introduces the newcomer to the whole company, calling his name first;
• during the presentation of a relative, the first name is the degree of kinship, then the name (“Meet my niece Olga”);
• introducing his friend to his parents, the first name of a friend is called;
• introducing peers, the first name is a closer friend.

To introduce two people to each other, you should choose the right moment, so you should not interrupt the conversation of one of them. Don't let two strangers down to each other and invite them to get to know each other on their own. Such a gesture is regarded as the height of indecency.

When introducing yourself, or at the moment when the guest is introduced by the host, you should not sit on a chair, you should stand up and greet a new acquaintance. The exception is the elderly, who are allowed to remain in their place.

After the introduction to new acquaintances, you should say to each other: “Very glad to meet you! or “Nice to meet you! ". Acquaintance can be sealed with a handshake, but the usual nod of the head, a slight bow is also allowed.

After a greeting, a first acquaintance, a woman or an older person can start a conversation. She should be supported. In the rules of etiquette, there are topics that should be avoided in a secular society and at the first meeting - this is politics and religion. Do not categorically express your thoughts and start an argument. It is necessary to adhere to the principle of humanism and tolerance.

After the end of the event, it is worth saying goodbye to a new acquaintance, once again expressing the pleasure of meeting, hoping for a new one soon. Farewell may also be accompanied by a handshake, with an old friend or relative, an exchange of hugs or kisses on the cheek is allowed.

General rules for attending social events or holidays on the occasion of a birthday, name day, New Year and others suggest the following aspects:

• Punctuality. It is very important to come to any meeting exactly at the appointed time. It is not a good idea to arrive early as the hosts may not be ready and this may put them in a difficult position. Being late is all the more unacceptable. In case of force majeure, you should call in advance and discuss the exact time of arrival.
• Appearance must match the event.
• When attending an event in which a feast is expected, you should not come empty-handed. You should bring cookies, cakes or sweets and hand them to the hostess. The hostess must put treats on the table.
• Entering the room, in which the guests have already gathered at the table, it is necessary to greet everyone at once, take a look at each guest, smile.
• Sitting down at the table, once again greet the neighbors on the left and right hand.
• You should not wish the audience a pleasant appetite, this expression is considered indecent in secular circles.
• At the end of the evening, thank the hostess, give a positive assessment of her culinary skills and the evening as a whole.

It is necessary to single out the laws of etiquette that relate to telephone conversations. It is especially important to follow the rules during business calls or calls to unfamiliar and complete strangers. Large firms develop standards for their employees, which the employee strictly fulfills every day in his work. So the company's management creates the necessary image and authority in the eyes of its customers.

Regardless of who receives or makes calls - a civil servant, a commercial employee or a call is of a purely secular nature - The following rules serve as the basis for telephone conversations:

1. Phone calls should be made from 9:00 to 21:00.
2. It is imperative to greet the person, introduce yourself. If the phone call is of a business nature, be sure to name your regalia.
3. Ask the interlocutor whether it is convenient for him to talk.
4. Name the purpose of the call, ask a question of interest.
5. After the topic of the call is exhausted, you need to thank for the answer and say goodbye.

If you answer a phone call, you must greet the caller if he did not name himself, clarify how he can be contacted, answer the question and say goodbye. There are rules of etiquette for answering an incoming call for employees of firms and organizations. The employee should say hello, announce the name of the company, his position, last name and first name. Then ask the question “How can I help you? ” or alternative options offered by the employer.

The requirements for the letter resonate with the stages of a normal conversation: a greeting with an address by name, the main idea stated in the subject of the letter, farewell and a signature. The signature in a personal letter, as a rule, is of an intimate nature, in a business letter it is official, listing the regalia, surname, name and patronymic.

Conversation is the most reliable way to convey information. During a conversation, you can find out the opinion and side of the opponent, create agreements, draw a personal portrait of the interlocutor for yourself, find out what drives a person when making certain decisions, and, importantly, enjoy and satisfaction from a pleasant pastime.

There are two main types of conversation:

• business;
• secular.

The first type of communication involves strict adherence to all norms and rules of business etiquette. In a business environment, it is imperative to adhere to a set of these rules so that the relationship between partners and colleagues is as predictable as possible. Everyone values ​​their time, money and reputation.

Basic laws of business communication:

• Punctuality or time management. The concept of business punctuality includes not only the fact of arriving at a meeting at the appointed time. Compliance with the time frame for the execution of the contract, making a call within the agreed time frame, performing work by an employee for a certain time, the ability to briefly and clearly formulate one's thoughts - also relate to the phenomenon of punctuality.

• Attitude towards work. To successfully run a business and move up the career ladder, you should be conscientious about your work, minimize the percentage of errors. You should not often take breaks for tea, linger from lunch, be distracted by personal calls, talk with colleagues on abstract topics.
• trade secret. All financial transactions and terms of contracts with counterparties are classified information.Employees are required not to share this information. Currently, the condition of maintaining trade secrets is included in the clauses of the employment contract. Penal and administrative sanctions may be applied to an employee of an organization for the dissemination of information related to a trade secret.
• Dress code. Business attire is a prerequisite for successful cooperation and workflow. The choice of an appropriate suit forces a person to comply with the limits of decency accepted in society, creates a certain image, makes others see a professional in a person.

• Desktop. There must be order on the table of an employee and a boss of any rank. Each document should be in its place, have a neat appearance. This is necessary so that the employee can always quickly find the necessary information and transfer it to colleagues or partners upon request. In large organizations, there are written rules about what items should be on the table, as well as in what places to lie.
• Subordination. You can not show familiarity with your colleagues, and even more so older in age and official position. The position of a particular individual is due to his being at a certain level of the hierarchy. Thus, the employee cannot distribute service tasks to his supervisor. However, the reverse process is taken for granted by everyone.
• Mutual courtesy and tact in resolving controversial issues. It is important to be able to argue your conclusions, all statements should be specific, words should not contradict each other. At the time of resolving disputes or conflict situations, it is not allowed to offend the feelings and personality of the opponent, it is necessary to learn how to correctly accept victory or defeat.

• Competently defending your position is an important skill in conducting business negotiations and the work process in general. In order for the conversation to turn out to be constructive, the image of the person and the company does not suffer, one should prepare in advance for a meeting with a partner. In order to comply with all the norms of etiquette and not lose self-control, it is worth writing out the main theses, evidence and justifications that will help defend the point of view. You should think about what arguments the counterparty can bring in order to be ready for a response.

• Holding meetings, events. When convening a meeting, the organizer is obliged to present the purpose of such an event. If possible, indicate the main theses and the main issues that will be discussed. Thus, invited workers are obliged to prepare answers and necessary data. Also, don't forget about time management. A prerequisite is the establishment of a clear time frame for the meeting.

An example of a business letter indicating the need for a meeting:

“Good afternoon, colleagues!

Today, 03.02.2018, a meeting will be held in the director's office. The issue of staff turnover and options for correcting the situation will be discussed.I ask the personnel department to prepare the necessary figures and reports, the heads of departments - a list of requirements for candidates, HR - ways to manage staff turnover.

The time of the meeting is 14:00 – 15:30.

Sincerely,

director of "Manager" LLC

Ivanov Ivan Ivanovich"

Small talk is less formal. This is especially evident in communication with close friends and relatives. However, the basics remain unchanged - punctuality, politeness and tact, respect and reverence for elders, modesty and humanity.

Clothing has a huge impact on the assessment of a person in society, and on how the individual himself feels. To achieve harmony in these hypostases, you should know the following: the outfit should be appropriate, neat, it should not contain vulgar elements, it should be comfortable and strictly correspond to the occasion.

Casual clothing should not provoke the public, its main task is to be neat and comfortable. Whereas for a trip to a restaurant, it is best for a woman to choose a cocktail evening dress, and for a man to put on a suit.

It often happens that on invitation cards to a social event you can see the postscript: “Dress-kode Black Tie”. Such a message obliges a man to appear in a tuxedo (or black suit), and a woman in a long dark evening dress.

When choosing clothes, one should strictly adhere to the specifics of the event, season, specific weather, time of day.

Separately, it is worth mentioning the make-up. In the daytime, a woman should not paint brightly, it is necessary to select decorative cosmetics in natural tones. An evening out allows you to apply any lipstick and shiny shadows.

Good manners in public places are based on the principle: not to cause difficulties and inconvenience to others. It is always necessary to think about the well-being of strangers, and if, through negligence, any actions have affected someone's feelings or physically interfered with an outsider, you should definitely apologize.

Sometimes you have to turn to a stranger for help. In this case, you should not attract his attention with the phrase “woman! or “man! ”, you should approach the person and ask: “Excuse me, please, could you help me? ". Next, you need to state the essence of the issue. This speech formula is universal for men and women, and such fleeting communication does not require introduction and personal acquaintance.

You should not eat on the go, as well as in public places that are not provided for this.. There is a chance of choking or staining others. Smoking in public places is prohibited not only by state law, but also by the rules of etiquette. It is indecent to point and discuss passers-by.In public transport, you should give up your seat to the elderly, the disabled and passengers with children.

The generally accepted code of etiquette is considered international. It is followed by European countries, the USA, Russia and others. However, some rules may differ due to their own traditions, history and culture.

The Muslim model of good manners is the verses of the Qur'an. Religion calls on each of its bearers to be modest, charitable, sympathetic, hardworking, to be wary of debauchery, vulgar thoughts, abuse.

For women, this is the education of humility and chastity from childhood. Thus, the etiquette of Islam reads:

1. A woman should not look into the eyes of a strange man, even at a wedding, the eyes of the bride are fixed on the floor.
2. A woman completely obeys the opinion of a man, has no right to contradict, to enter into an argument.
3. The hijab completely covers the legs to the ankles, the arms to the wrists, its color is not bright, often black.
4. A Muslim woman marries exclusively a virgin, otherwise she will be dishonored.
5. Islam forbids a woman to drink alcohol.

The less strict etiquette of Buddhism also depends heavily on the faith and traditions of the people. It is important to study the basic rules before visiting the temple, the features of holidays and religious rites.

Often, ignorance of the exact rules of etiquette is compensated by such human qualities as morality, modesty and politeness. It is important to be able to restrain your emotions, not succumb to provocations, use your smile as a weapon, be an open and cheerful person.

Before visiting an important social event, you should familiarize yourself with the rules of good manners, adopt speech formulas that may come in handy. It is also important to choose the right clothes.

For those who dream of a high official position, it is worth training in oratory, in the ability to defend their position without violating the rules of etiquette, and to study time management.

Going on a trip, get acquainted with the cultural characteristics of the country, religion and moral standards. Example: when visiting a Muslim state, think over your wardrobe, you should not appear in public places in clothes that open your shoulders, stomach, knees.

See even more secrets of etiquette from aristocrats in the next video.