Important Rules of Etiquette

They talk a lot about etiquette, important rules of conduct, often and very willingly. However, people usually lose sight of the most important point - why these very rules are necessary. This is what you should focus on as much as possible.

Any attitudes in society, order exist only because someone feels the need for them. The situation is exactly the same with etiquette: it does not complicate life, as it may seem, but makes it easier, makes it more orderly. "Old-fashioned courtesy" prevents a lot of unpleasant conflict situations. In society, etiquette sets clear and unambiguous "rules of the game" that contribute to the convenience and improvement of communication between people.

At first it may seem that it is very difficult to learn all the rules and apply them in a timely manner. However, once you spend some time on it, show willpower, as you will immediately understand - it is not difficult to fulfill the requirements. In your presence, others will feel freer and lighter, more liberated. At the same time, you do not have to constantly monitor yourself, think before each act or movement, whether this action is correct or not.

The interaction of people in society is different, and the variety of norms and rights that apply to it is also great. In order to understand all this diversity, to avoid unnecessary difficulties, people began to form a kind of “codes” (if we draw an analogy with legislation) - certain types of etiquette. First of all, it is worth mentioning the following varieties of modern etiquette:

• state (formerly called court) - communication with heads of state;
• diplomatic - relating to the behavior of diplomats and persons equated to them;
• military - regulates the actions, speech of military personnel and persons equated to them (in various situations);
• religious - refers to the behavior of people in communication with clergy associated with any existing religion, with believers in the performance of ceremonies, on religious holidays, in temples and sacred places.

General civil etiquette includes rules and various traditions related to the communication of people in all other situations. However, the general civil code of rules is not as simple as it seems. Although it does not cover situations in which we can talk about political influence, international relations and the like, there is also a division here.

Some generally accepted norms set the standard for business communication, others form the requirements for all other types of communication in general. There are provisions related to the performance of various ceremonies (wedding, funeral and some others), rules when being at a common table, when talking on the phone or communicating via e-mail. General civil etiquette normalizes not only verbal interaction, but also gestures, touches, and to a certain extent even looks and gait.

The basic obligatory norms of etiquette are designed to help a person make a good impression on others. Whether you're a middle-aged housewife, a fast-moving administrator, a creative sculptor, everyone should consider them. Any person purchases clothes, focusing on their financial capabilities, but as for the established traditional norms, we can say that they are mandatory for everyone. The following key requirements must be considered:

• cleanliness, aesthetics of clothing;
• compliance with the wardrobe of your figure and accessories;
• the compatibility of the elements of the outfit with each other, their correspondence to the specific situation.

Every piece of clothing that you wear should be kept clean, fastened, and ensure that everything is ironed. The system of etiquette requirements prescribes a strict division between festive, official (working), home, and evening wear. Compliance with the rules of good manners is also unthinkable without the implementation of hygiene procedures, full and proper nutrition, and a healthy lifestyle.

In any training course devoted to the basics of etiquette, sections such as presenting yourself to others, gait, posture, gestures and speech are always named.

A real man is not only a good professional in his field, a responsible person and master of his word. There are a number of etiquette rules that strictly regulate how exactly he should act in a certain situation.Even if your acquaintances do not comply with these requirements, you will only benefit yourself if you do not follow their bad example.

Not a single man (except for a policeman on duty and a soldier who is obliged by the charter to salute) can normally walk to the right of a woman, only to the left. Of course, there are circumstances when this rule of etiquette can be violated - but only by learning to observe it, you will understand when you can deviate from the norm.. Stumbled and slipped women need to be supported by the elbow, and no one will see this as going beyond the bounds of decent behavior.

It is also forbidden to smoke near a woman without express permission. Everyone remembers, of course, that the appropriate behavior is to open the door at the entrance and exit, escorting the woman behind. But this norm, observed on any stairs, changes to the opposite when entering the elevator and when leaving the car. When a man personally drives a car, he is obliged to open the door and hold the women by the elbow when landing forward.

It is not customary to sit down in the presence of standing ladies, including on the bus; an exception is made only for trains and planes. Of course, responsible and adequate men always help their companions to carry heavy, bulky or uncomfortable things. Men's etiquette is also distinguished by such nuances:

• you can not put your hands on your chest when talking;
• you should not keep them in your pockets;
• you can twist any object in your hand only in order to better examine or use it, and not just like that.

Do not think that the requirements of etiquette for women are softer or stricter.They are exactly the same in severity, but different in content. Everyone can learn to behave correctly, again - this requires only consistency, determination and self-control. A common mistake is the opinion that today women's norms of behavior are limited to one politeness and correctness in speech. Of course, they are not the same as a hundred or two hundred years ago - and therefore it is impossible to learn the rules of etiquette, focusing on ancient literature.

Bad, "primitive" manners, which are often found in the behavior of modern women and girls, are primarily as follows:

• excessive curiosity about other people's secrets;
• spreading gossip;
• insulting other people and rudeness;
• vulgar behavior;
• bullying others, manipulating them;
• unscrupulous flirting.

Behavior in everyday life should be subordinated not to emotions and passions, but to reason. Yes, for women (and even for many men) it is very difficult. Yes, there are situations when it is extremely difficult not to be rude in response. You should always imagine how your behavior looks from the outside. At the same time, modesty should be remembered - both in the family circle and on the street, in a store, in a restaurant, at an exhibition and in other places.

You can not know the ready-made speech formulas of greeting and address too well, but at the same time have a reputation for being a polite, cultured person. The whole point is to convey your benevolence to the interlocutors, so that every detail emphasizes a positive attitude.

The stereotype that "a real girl is always late" is nothing more than a harmful myth, invented as an excuse for their own indiscipline and disrespect for others.Put him firmly and completely out of your head, do not allow yourself to do this with either acquaintances or strangers.

It is unacceptable at a party, at work, and in a hotel or official institution to rush to all things, check their cleanliness. In the presence of other people with whom you work together, study together, have a romantic relationship, it is undesirable to make phone calls, write SMS or emails. Even if communication at a particular moment is very important, you should report this and apologize, try not to interfere. It is advisable to explain to the subscriber or interlocutor that at the moment you will not be able to communicate.

Well-bred women and girls, in principle, do not allow themselves to wear clothes even in their own home (when there are no other people there):

• dirty;
• crumpled;
• torn;
• does not match the chosen style.

Believe me, if you do not make any exceptions and indulgences for yourself unless absolutely necessary, it will only be easier to follow the usual rules of etiquette. Quite rarely there are cases when a woman can afford not to work. The basic principle of official relations (both with management and with subordinates) should be strict correctness, following the rules of the organization and professional ethics. You should definitely be punctual, keep your word, clearly plan your working day. It is strictly forbidden:

• parasite words;
• speech errors (including in writing);
• disorder in the workplace;
• tasteless things (even a mobile phone or an acid-colored notepad);
• solving personal problems during working hours.

Children's spontaneity pleases and touches moms and dads, but from a very early age, the baby needs to be instilled with elementary norms of behavior - of course, this is primarily done by parents, and not by educators and teachers. You can forgive this or that transgression against the norms of etiquette; other people (even classmates or people you happen to meet on the street) may no longer understand him. And it will be easier for the child himself for the rest of his life, no matter how offended he is at first.

The paramount rule, often voiced by people, but not lost its relevance - the need in the family to always treat others politely. If you call children to correctness and even communicate with them in the right way, but be rude on the phone, quarrel with guests or raise your voice once again in the store, such an “educational work” will inevitably fail.

To get a well-mannered and cultured child, you need to demonstrate the rules of behavior during games to the baby from the earliest years. Let you be the standard, and the baby’s favorite toys play one role or another (you greet them, say goodbye, thank them for the gift they brought, and so on). At the same time, such urgent tasks as expanding vocabulary and improving sociability are being solved.

A very important point of education (especially after 5 years) will be the mandatory appeal to all unfamiliar and unfamiliar adults with “you” or by name and patronymic. Avoid interrupting adults and interfering in their conversations. Firmly and steadily remind the children of this, repeating the rule after each violation.

Always make sure that when your child sneezes:

• turned away from other people and from food;
• went as far away as possible;
• wiped his nose and contaminated objects;
• washed his hands after sneezing (before resuming the meal).

In Russia, there are mandatory norms that regulate human speech in various situations. It is far from always possible to confine oneself only to greetings and farewells, and in communication with officials (especially when the situation is solemn or ceremonial) there are unwritten canons. Moreover, they are typical for any organization, department or professional community.

The speech process is regulated by the norms of etiquette in many respects:

• lexical (phraseological) - how to address people, how to use set expressions, what words are appropriate or inappropriate in specific cases;
• grammatical - the use of the interrogative mood instead of the imperative;
• stylistic - correctness, accuracy and richness of speech;
• intonation - calmness and smoothness even when irritation and anger overwhelm you;
• orthoepic - the rejection of abbreviated forms of words in favor of complete ones (no matter how you hurry and no matter how close you are to a person).

Politeness is also manifested when a person does not interfere in other people's conversations. There is no need to object if you did not listen to the sentence or accusation to the end. The "salon" speech, and in everyday conversation, and even various jargons have their own etiquette formulas.

You need to be careful with who you communicate with. You have to be able to adapt. Polite communication implies that you can’t just say goodbye, even if the conversation has come to an end, and all the planned things have been completed. Some kind of transition is required, it is necessary to correctly lead to parting.

By itself, this term seems somehow unnecessarily complex and "scientific". However, in reality, people deal with non-verbal communication much more often than it might seem. It is this “language” that is used in communication both with random people you meet and with people you have known for a long time, both at home and outside the walls of your home. Those who correctly understand non-verbal communication receive a triple benefit:

• expand the possibilities for expressing their thoughts, they can use gestures as an addition to words;
• capture what others really think;
• can control themselves and not betray their true thoughts to other observers.

A lot of information circulates through non-verbal channels. By receiving it, you will be able to understand exactly how the interlocutor relates to others, what relationships are built between the boss and subordinates, and so on. Properly using such a means of communication, one can maintain an optimal relationship, agree or refuse some proposal without saying a word. You can simply reinforce what was said with additional energy.

Non-verbal communication cannot be reduced to gestures. It is also, for example, the emotional component of any conversation (except for those conducted by phone).The main part of such means of communication is innate, but this does not mean that they cannot be controlled in principle. A polite and cultured person, going to another country or before talking with foreigners, always finds out what meaning gestures and other non-verbal signals have, how they can be understood by interlocutors.

Etiquette requires everyone to stand at the moment of greeting, even women; an exception is made only for those who cannot get up for health reasons. Women are greeted earlier than men. Among people of the same sex, they try to give priority to older ones, and then to those with higher status. If you have just entered a room where others are already present, you should greet those already present first, no matter what.

It is important not only to observe the order, but also to properly show your respect. It used to be thought that shaking hands could emphasize a special location, but the modern approach implies otherwise: everyone should shake hands with each other. You can not shake hands for more than three seconds. Very strong or relaxed handshakes can be allowed only with the closest people.

Non-verbal etiquette prescribes to supplement your words with certain actions. Before starting communication, immediately choose a suitable position that will be convenient for you - and at the same time will not cause negative emotions in other people.

Make sure the pose is not closed: this immediately expresses distrust and a willingness to harshly criticize the other person, even if you don’t mean anything like that. It will be extremely difficult to explain the true meaning. Raising the shoulders, lowering the head are perceived as signals of excessive tension and isolation, incomprehensible fear or fear of defeat. By leaning towards the other person, you show interest in him and in his words. Just don't invade your personal space.

Posture is a very important part of non-verbal communication. A measure is needed here: the back should be straight, and the landing should be correct, but in both cases it is required not to overdo it, so that you are not considered overly proud and arrogant person. Take a close look at yourself in the mirror, or even ask others to rate your mannerisms. If even the slightest unnaturalness, artificiality and posturing is visible, it is better to reduce tension, not to constantly strive for a perfectly straight back.

As for gestures, you must first of all pay attention to those that show friendliness and benevolence. When talking at the table, the hands are held palms up, the hands are left relaxed. By tilting your head slightly to the right or left, you emphasize that you are attentively listening to the other person's speech.

When people get bored with the conversation (or the interlocutor hardly waits for the floor to be given to him), rubbing of the neck and earlobe begins.The sudden shifting of papers, other things means that the person is no longer going to talk - for whatever reason. Those who are about to leave direct their legs or even their entire body towards the exit. A “closed” position or a readiness for a hard rebuff is directly indicated by crossing the arms.

Getting up and starting to walk around the room, scratching their chin or touching their hair, people thereby set themselves up for making a decision, enter the decisive phase in a difficult choice. Inexperienced and ill-prepared deceivers rub their noses, fidget nervously in their chairs, and change positions every now and then. It is very difficult to lie without constantly looking away, without narrowing the pupils, without covering your mouth with your hand. If you believe that non-verbal etiquette is associated only with movements, gestures, this is an erroneous opinion. There is another important component: habits.

You should not approach the interlocutor closer than at arm's length - if only possible. Of course, when you need to get close for business, this rule does not apply. A blunder is twirling something in your hands during a conversation, drawing on paper - and so on. This behavior immediately demonstrates:

• lack of self-confidence;
• weakening attention to the topic under discussion;
• disrespect for the interlocutor (who will have to endure such an annoying manner).

Many people smoke these days. If you are one of these people, try to refrain from bad habits during negotiations as much as possible.In extreme cases, you can afford to drag out when the contract has already been concluded, and it remains only to clarify some details and nuances. When talking at a less serious level, you can smoke, but try to blow the smoke up: this shows partners your positive attitude. When the rings or puffs of smoke point downwards, something is suspected.

If smoking is prohibited in a certain place or situation, this restriction must be strictly observed. Even when you know that there will be no fine (or it doesn’t matter to you), you can’t do this: this is an open and rude disrespect for the established rules and norms.

An important point - separate aspects of speech are also part of etiquette:

• maintain confidence and firmness in your voice;
• speak clearly and separately;
• keep the same volume level (not too low and not too high);
• one should not rush, but also excessively slow speech can irritate listeners and interlocutors.

Certain traditions of non-verbal etiquette are associated with business, which are wider than those already mentioned. Certain brands of clothing and cars, watches and writing instruments are often used. The head of a successful company is usually fond of sports, is a member of private clubs and associations. These are not just some conventions and emphasizing their importance. Relationships and acquaintances are thus tied up more efficiently, and those that exist are easier to maintain.

It is advisable to choose traditional dress code colors, even if your company is very modern and associated with a high-tech field.Clothing should be calm, traditional, without bright colors and flashy tones. No more than five accessories may be worn, including mobile phones and bags. Under the ban for a business person, too strong a scent of perfume, wearing old, sloppy shoes definitely fall.

It doesn't matter if you are a successful businessman, a middle manager or some other field. You will still have to make contact with people in various public places. Such situations may occur rarely and not last too long, but etiquette strictly regulates this side of life. On the street, the norms of decency require:

• cleanliness and neatness of clothes and shoes;
• lack of bad smell from yourself;
• combing hair and wearing appropriate headgear;
• crossing the carriageway strictly in the places designated for this.

You must not interfere with other people (by pushing them, blocking the path, or preventing them from walking along the only safe or convenient route). If it suddenly happens that you push someone (even without malicious intent), you will need to apologize. Having received an answer to any question, be sure to thank, even if answering is a professional duty of a person. It is polite behavior when:

• do not hunch;
• do not wave their arms;
• do not keep them in their pockets (unless in extreme cold);
• refuse food and drink, smoking on the go;
• refuse to throw garbage.

You can go in a row with a maximum of three people. If the sidewalk is crowded, then two - no more. Bags, packages and everything else must be carried so that others, their things do not suffer.The umbrella is held vertically (unless it is folded or unfolded). Acquaintances should be greeted, but if you want to talk to someone, stand away from the road that other people are walking on.

Both on the street and in the park, at a concert, in the circus, the following are banned:

• cry;
• whistling;
• pointing at someone with a finger;
• obsessive surveillance of others.

Polite people will help you cross the street, open or hold a tight door, let a handicapped person go ahead, avoid crowding traffic or drive too fast - no matter how fast they are. When elderly, passengers with children, disabled people or pregnant women are traveling with you, give them the front and closest seats to the exit in public transport. Do not put bags or packages on the seats, unless the vehicle is almost empty and the floor is dirty.

Signs of bad upbringing are also loud and intrusive conversations in transport, reading newspapers and magazines, attempts to consider what others are reading. If you are sick or there is an epidemic, it is advisable to refuse to visit public places or keep your stay there to a minimum. Modern etiquette implies that if you need to be among people in such a situation, you need to wear a gauze bandage, changing it regularly.

If you are going to travel by rail, prepare all the things that you will use directly on the road.Going through them all the time is not only too tiring and inconvenient, but sometimes impolite - you can create inconvenience for others, damage some object. At the entrance to the compartment, they always say hello, but to introduce yourself or not is already optional. Even with a very long trip and a heart-to-heart conversation, one should not be interested in personal topics and beliefs, the views of fellow travelers.

When the train arrives at the station and before leaving it, it is quite possible to block the approach to the windows. It is not allowed to open or close the window without asking other passengers. Prepare for the exit in advance, ideally you should start packing your things an hour before arriving at the desired station. This is especially true in winter, when all passengers have to wear a lot of things. It is not recommended to do the following:

• put your feet on the seats, even your own;
• smoking and drinking alcohol;
• talking too loudly
• make phone calls at night or when other passengers are sleeping;
• going to the toilet stall too often unnecessarily;
• arbitrarily occupy a seat not indicated on your ticket;
• to fill the common table with your food when you do not use it for its intended purpose.

People visit administrative institutions much more often than the airport. It also has its own rules of etiquette. Already at the entrance you need to say hello to the watchmen, guards or on duty; prepare a pass or identity document in advance. Questions about the name and purpose of the visit should be answered immediately, calmly and without any impatience.

When a building has a wardrobe, all outer clothing must be left there, even if there are no formal rules. In such cases, you may not be required to do this directly, but you should still be aware of the rules. If there is a secretary or his substitute, you need to talk about appointments and negotiations.

You can not enter the office until the secretary makes sure that you are really expected. Knocking on the door of the administrative office is prohibited in any case. The only exception is when it is provided for by the rules or by the decision of the owners of the premises.

Regardless of whether the decision is favorable for you, you need to remain calm and businesslike. Only rude and uncultured people slam the door as they leave the administrative building. They allow themselves to stand in the corridor where they can interfere with other people.

The hotel is also a public place. It is recommended to book rooms in advance: this is not only more convenient for you, but also easier for employees who will not be faced with the need to urgently look for free places. Be patient when registering, remember that the employees themselves did not come up with the rules and requirements for documents.

Etiquette fully regulates everything that relates to gifts: it is obligatory for both giving people and recipients of presents. It should be noted that all gifts (with rare exceptions) are either strictly functional or symbolize some kind of wish or hint.You should not give something inappropriate: give alcohol to someone who does not drink it at all, or use as a gift something hinting at a physical disability, life difficulty or an unpleasant situation. There are also a few rules to keep in mind:

• do not give what a person does not need at all;
• do not give ugly, damaged or broken things;
• do not give something that has already been given to you - even if the person does not know about it;
• Don't gift something that you or someone else has used before (other than antiques, art, and other understandable exceptions);
• you need to carefully study the tastes and priorities, character and habits, material capabilities of a person.

The latter is especially important, although often overlooked: the unspoken general norm is that the gifts that the recipient will present to you in the future should be comparable in value and usefulness to your present. Close people, relatives, friends and work colleagues can be observed without any problems.

The needs and preferences of the rest need to be recognized indirectly - better some time before the holiday, a solemn occasion. Then there will be no obsession, and the effect of surprise is provided, and you yourself will have more time to select the appropriate option.

The principle "a book is the best gift" is still relevant today, but you need to take into account the characteristics of the character, the tastes of the person being presented. Carrying children's literature to reputable and respected people is sheer stupidity. Always carefully study the chosen book and its author, compare the information with the interests of the recipients. Always remove the price tag from a gift - if possible.Do not name a price, even indirectly or after a long time - unless it is asked directly.

Giving or sending gifts (except for flowers and cars) always involves packaging. When the gift is handed over in person, the recipients must open and acquaint themselves with the surprise in the presence of the givers. Polite and well-mannered people thank even for a frankly ridiculous or tasteless present.

The behavior of a person at the table is a very important component of etiquette. It is at this moment that he is often evaluated by potential business partners, representatives of the opposite sex, and many other people. Think about the impression you will make on your co-workers and bosses. The easiest way is for those who, even at home, strictly observe the rules of decency. Here are a few of the main ones:

• always put a napkin on your knees (only it can be used to wipe your lips, fingers);
• after finishing the meal, put napkins at the plate; if they fall, take others or ask the waiter for new ones;
• if you drink wine, pour it only into glasses that you need to hold with three fingers - only by the leg, without touching the bowl;
• soup must be scooped from oneself, and not towards oneself, so as not to splatter clothes;
• try not to overfill plates, other containers - this is not only ugly, but also makes it difficult to move;
• there are three popular dishes that are eaten with the hands: fried or boiled chicken, meat on the ribs, and any kind of crunchy snacks;
• when passing a dish to another person, put it directly on the table, do not give it to your hands;
• you should not use any cutlery in order to clean the fish from bones - this is done only with your hands.

It would be possible to give examples of behavior corresponding to etiquette for a long time. However, what has already been said is enough for you to behave correctly in 9 cases out of 10. In other situations, tact, elementary logic, and attentiveness to other people will help you.

For the basic rules of etiquette, see the following video.